my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
