i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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