May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
