i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
