dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
