Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
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I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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