Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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