none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
