I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
