I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
