Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
