wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
