I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
