thus making me awesome and them whores
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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