im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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