He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
