There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
