Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
