i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
