Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
