My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
