my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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