I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
