If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just found puke in my bra..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
