she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she peed on how many people?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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