So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
