yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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