Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
