Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
