but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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