I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
