It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
