You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
