My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
