Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
