I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
