I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
