she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
