my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize