I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
