I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
