he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
