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Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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