You work out of a Hotel?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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