i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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