And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
