I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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