His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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