It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
