Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
