Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
