I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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