The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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