NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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