I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
where are my eyebrows?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
