My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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