i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
