the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I love having hate sex.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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