well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
