you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
