My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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