jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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