in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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