my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
