beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
